


Constraint and Vexed

by dawniekins18



Series: Considering Things So Far [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2082897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawniekins18/pseuds/dawniekins18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lip doesn't know how to deal with this shit.</p><p>Ian feels trapped in his own skin.</p><p>Mickey has lost control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In continuity, this is after Slowly, Through a Vector and before How It Fails and Only all the Fucking Time.

Lip doesn't know how to deal with this shit. He never could stand Monica. Always leaving it to Fiona, Ian, or even Debs. He sometimes couldn't even stand to look at her. Whether she was coked out of her mind, manically cleaning the entire house, or just laying in bed, or on the floor, for endless days. Frank was the scum of the earth, but Monica was just...broken.

Ian is his best friend. They're close in age and everything else. While Debs, Carl, and Liam had the benefit of at least teenage Fiona- Lip and Ian were there through the nightmare of Frank and Monica. Ian, luckily, only remembers bits and pieces. And Lip is glad for the gaps in his own memories. He knows he owes Fi a lot, but they survived together. And they've all done their best to make it better for the younger three.

His relationship with Ian hasn't been perfect. They've both had their ups and downs. Stupid fights and bad decisions from both of them. But now there is just this silence between them. Its feels an awful lot like Monica.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Lip, look after your brother. Mommy has to run an errand." His mom was grabbing her coat and walking around the crack-den apartment they're currently living in. She picks up a lighter, cigarettes and puts on the coat over her nightgown. It's the first time she's gotten up of the mattress on the floor in days.

They've been almost out of food for awhile. Ian hasn't had breakfast, and Lip and Fiona rationed granola bars throughout the weekend. But they gave the last of it to Ian for dinner. Luckily she's gone to school and can bring them home her free breakfast and lunch. But while she's gone, she's put five year old Lip in charge of three year old Ian. 

Fiona doesn't trust Monica to watch them. She gives Lip a list of rules when she leaves.

Rule number one- don't let Frank in unless she's there.

Rule number two- stay away from the stove.

"Where are you going?" 

Monica pauses at the door. It's open. Ian's going to get cold.

"I'm going out. I'll be back soon. Don't worry you'll be fine."

Lip knows he's smarter than the other kids. Fiona lets him help her with her math homework. But he doesn't need to be genius to know Monica is a liar. 

She comes over to give them both a kiss goodbye. Lip doesn't care, but it makes his stomach hurt to see the hopeful look on Ian's face. He's too young to know this'll be that last time they see her for who knows how long. And when she comes back, she could be completely different.

Lip got tricked enough by nice Mommy in the past. She never lasts.

"You take care of him, my little smarty pants. He needs you."

And then she's gone. Lip vaguely remembers the time after this encounter. How she doesn't come back, and Frank's on a huge bender. This is the first time he remembers foster care. And how Ian stopped talking for months, and how Fiona cried a lot.

He decides Monica isn't his mom anymore.

She's someone who let's Ian down. Which just isn't something Lip can put up with.

+++++++++++++++

"He got outta bed yesterday long enough to fight with me. He hasn't really done much since." Mickey still looks worried, but also calmer than when Lip last saw him.

"Fight about what?"

"Stupid shit about him leaving. He ain't goin' no where." Mickey takes a swig from the beer bottle in his hands.

Lip stands in the doorway of the bedroom staring at an unmoving form. The deja vu is intense and for a moment he feels five years old again. 

"He's gotta get to a doctor. He won't eat, right?"

Mickey makes a noncommittal noise behind him. "I got some water and applesauce in him."

"We have to get him up. The longer he won't move, the deeper this gets." Lip remembers one winter where Monica left in an ambulance, too weak to even fight the paramedics.

"Well good luck. He ain't fuckin' moving." Mickey's voice is angry but Lip can hear an anxious undertone to it.

"He needs a doctor."

"Where do you think you're gonna take him?" Mickey is suddenly on the defensive, guarding the bedroom door.

Lip wants to take him to the ER, but no way he's getting him out of here with that story. Ian would be admitted for sure in this condition, and Mickey ain't gonna let that happen. Not yet anyways. 

And he's gonna need Mickey's help moving Ian.

"The clinic. Hopefully they can get us a prescription, and maybe therapy or some shit. Monica never stuck with it, but we can all keep a better eye on him." Ian also has the advantage of not being a fucking drug addict with multiple young children, and Frank Gallagher as dead weight.

"You ain't takin' him alone."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

They glare at each other for a long minute.

"Help me get him up." Lip looks away first and finally steps in to the room, moving toward his brother.

Ian is unresponsive but fairly pliant. He allows Lip and Mickey to dress him. He only starts to struggle and make noises of distress when they start moving him toward the door. 

"Why won't you leave me the fuck alone?" Ian tries to shrug and duck out of their grasp. Lip knows they're lucky Ian isn't at his best right now. He's a strong fucker.

"Calm the fuck down. You ain't going nowhere. I'm coming too."

Ian relaxes somewhat after Mickey's reassurance.

They finally get him into the car Lip borrowed from Amanda, and Ian is immediately on his side in the backseat. Ignoring both of them.

"What do you think they're gonna say?" Mickey eyes him distrustfully as the pull into the clinic parking lot.

"I have no fucking clue." The lie rolls out of his mouth easily.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"How long has be been this unresponsive?" The resident at the clinic barely looks up from his chart as he questions them.

He took a two minute exam of Ian, and is now looking at them for answers.

"On and off over the past couple of days."

"Mostly on. " Lip interjects ignoring the look of death Mickey shoots him.

"Well based on the family history and his near catatonic state, I'd say this looks like a severe depressive episode. Your correct, I believe, in assuming he has Bipolar Disorder." 

Even though he knew this was coming, the words still feel like a low one right in the gut.

Fucking Monica. 

"What the fuck do we do about it?" Mickey looks like he's about to punch someone.

"Due to his severe condition, I think hospitalization is your best option." 

"Try again motherfucker. He don't have insurance. and no way are we gonna agree to that shit."

Lip makes eye contact with the doctor and shakes his head in disagreement to Mickey's statement.

"He's only seventeen, the state will cover it right? If you recommend it?" The doctor nods, now looking to Lip. "My sister is his legal guardian. She's at work right now, but can meet us there to sign him in. How long will he have to stay?"

"Fuck no." Mickey's face is furious as the doctor looks to Ian who gives no indication he's noticed the conversation happening around him. 

"One week. Maybe two. It depends on how he responds to treatment. Or if it's difficult to find the best combination of medication for him." 

"No fucking way." Mickey finally snaps and grabs Ian's arm. "We're leaving. This is bullshit."

"Can you give us a minute?" The doc looks relieved and nods, stepping out at Lip's request.

"He ain't going any-fucking-where." 

Mickey isn't looking like someone to argue with. Lucky, it's outside his control. This is up to Fiona and Lip.

"I know you're scared. But the sooner we do this, the better for him it will be."

"You shut the fuck up. He's staying here." Mickey's tone is deadly.

"It's not your choice." Lip's tone is pretty fucking serious as well.

"He's right." 

Lip's head snaps in Ian's direction. 

"The fuck he is." Mickey moves to Ian's side.

"It's my choice." Ian meets Lip's stare. "And I gotta go."

Lip meets Ian's eyes. It's been a long time since he's seen Ian really look back.

"No fucking way. We'll get the drugs and I'll take care a ya'. They can't do any better than family could."

"Mickey, it'll be ok." Ian and Mickey stare at each other for a long minute.

"One fucking week. Then I fucking get you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian feels trapped in his own skin.

Ian feels trapped in his own skin. His understanding of things drifting in and out. 

Everything comes into focus as he hears Lip yell, "it's not your choice!"

Choice. He has a choice. His eyes drift to Mickey whose standing next to him.

This is his chance or his opportunity. His chance to make something right.

It's my choice. And I gotta go."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ian isn't sure what he thought being put into a mental ward would be like. Miserable for damn sure, and he wasn't wrong about that.

He's surrounded by people who are way worse of than him. He'd have called them crazy a few weeks ago. Now... they're still just fucking crazy. He figures he just gets crazy even better than he did before. 

There is absolutely zero trust here. They're only allowed spoons when they eat, so he's had a lot of questionable sandwiches and puddings.   
And they have to return the spoons when they're done. He's also checked on constantly. At night, in the bathroom, if he steps right when they thought when he was gonna step left. He's never been watched so much in his life, especially when you consider the Frank and Monica parenting method.

He hates it here. And he would do anything to leave.

But... he's better. He can't deny it. 

He's able to hate things. And shower. And eat, kinda. He's got dry mouth like a motherfucker, he's also numb sometimes, and spacy. And nauseous. And more than a little fucking bored. 

But he's here. He's not just some lump wasting Mickey's space. He wants to be here. Or he can see himself wanting to be somewhere in the future.

It's pathetic that this is improvement. 

He would never say he was thinking about not being here. But there were a couple of days were he'd been pretty tired of existing.

"Gallagher! You've got visitors!"

After his three day intake period, today is the first day anyone is allowed to see him. 

He doesn't really remember Fiona signing him in, he just knows she was crying.

"Ian!"

He's quickly surrounded by his siblings. All four of them who could make it past the thirteen and older stipulation. 

"Are you ok?"

"Have the said when you can go?"

"Are you eating?"

"Have they put you in a straight jacket?"

Ian feels a wave of relief wash over him. 

"I'm fine, I don't know, the food is gross, and no Carl, they haven't put me in a straight jacket yet, maybe tomorrow."

He looks around at all the faces while Fiona yell at Carl about sensitivity or some shit, but can't find the one he's looking for.

"They only let family in so Lip didn't let Mickey come. Kev and V are babysitting." Debbie pushes Fiona out of the way to get her hug. She holds him just a little tighter than usual, but he feels it.

"How Liam?"

"He's doing ok. Doc says it looks like a full recovery. Thank fucking god." Fiona looks a lot better too. She reaches over to smooth his hair. 

"You gotta eat." Lip is eyeing him with more than a little concern. "How bad can the food be?"

"Worse than Hester." 

Lip eyebrows shoot up. "Damn that's an accomplishment."

"Well it's only a couple more days right? Eat what you can and we'll fatten you up when ya get home." Fiona says while they all grab seats the uncomfortable coaches. 

The visit is only allowed to last another forty-five minutes. They all eat vending machine snacks, and Ian notices they are all...relaxed. Or relieved. He is too. Maybe if he can't get past this, he can control it. All he has to do is be better than Monica, and that bar is set particularly low. It has to be better than that. Than her. It just has to.

They all look really upset when it comes time to leave. He's feeling a little fucking upset too. He gives another round of hugs, and Fiona sends Carl and Debbie to go get sodas and give the three of them a moment alone.

"I talked to the doctor. He says soon. We'll be back on Friday either way. She did say you need to eat more, you're losing weight." Fiona gives him a stern look.

"I'll try."

"Do more than try. She also said they've kept people longer for less." Lip adds in with his own serious looks.

"How's money? And Frank?"

"You don't need to fucking worry about either." Fiona growls as Carl and Debbie are back to say goodbye. "You just work on doing what the Doc says. " Fiona looks like she's about to start crying again, and Debbie already is.

"I'm fine. It'll be fine. I'll see you guys soon."

He grabs Fiona's hand while the rest are getting the coats on. 

"If you see him..I don't know if...but tell Mickey...tell him I'm ok. Tell him it's good or something. That I'm doing good."

Fiona opens her mouth to say something but pauses before starting again. "Ok I will. We love you. We'll be back soon."

She hugs him for a long time. 

"Is Lip mad at me?" She pulls back. She's crying again.

"No. Lip's mad it wasn't him."


End file.
